Monday, September 28, 2009

SEX: What I couldn't say at Church

Last Sunday we talked about SEX at church. (Hit to watch the message). There’s always more to cover. After the first service, an elderly couple was exiting, and talking. The wife asked the husband, “What do you want to do today, hon? Do you want to get breakfast, or do you want to watch the Seahawks game?” And he looked at his bride with a twinkle in his eye…”You KNOW what I want to do!” And they laughed together.

Heard one story (from the principle parties) of a man many years ago who asked his crush out on a First date. For some reason they decided to go to church. They were listening to the message when he opens up to Song of Solomon, begins to read, and nod, and says “Amen, Amen.” She’s curious. She cranes her head over to see what he is reading, and he shows her the verse that says your breasts are like clusters of fruit (SOS 7:7,8)…there is a moment of silence as their eyes lock, and she starts laughing at his quirky sense of humor. They celebrated 40 years of marriage last year. Friends, don’t try this today. Today this doesn’t lead to the altar of marriage, as quickly as it leads to a lawsuit.

Song of Songs, or Song of Solomon is a book in the bible that is so explicit, young Jewish boys were not allowed to read it until they were determined to be of a certain responsible age. It not only wows with it’s poetic imagery and it’s erotic setting, but it captures a love that is rapturous, as God desires monogamy in marriage to be. Finally, it is a metaphor of the kind of intimacy in prayer that is desired by the Lord for His people, and a precursor to the union of Jesus the bridegroom with His Bride, the church.

Several of the questions that I’ve received through the years have to do with the sexual activity that the Bible refers to. So I read through the Bible’s most metaphorical and explicit book on sexuality, and I have no doubt that after reading it, you’ll discard ANY notion that sex within marriage is designed to be dull or boring. Here’s how another pastor puts it:

The Song of Songs gives great liberty to sexual freedom and the full use of all five senses.
1. kissing (SOS 1:2)
2. oral/fellatio – her initiative (SOS 2:3)
3. manual stimulation – her invitation (SOS 2:6)
4. petting – his initiative (SOS 4:5)
5. oral/cunnilingus – his initiative (SOS 4:12-5:1)
6. striptease – (SOS 6:13b-7:9)
7. new places, positions, etc. including outdoors – her initiative (SOS 7:11-13)

As long as both participants in the marriage bed are feeling comfortable and honored, then there is great freedom and enjoyment planned by the Lord there.

Is it hot in here? I’ll say: the last time I taught this material my Father in Law was in the front row! I had to tell him, “Randy, after 13 years of marriage and 2 kids, you need to know…I’ve been sleeping with your daughter!” It just felt good to get that off my chest.

Remember, there are three types of sex for married couples:
1. Practice. Talking, communicating, discovering what sorts of things that both of you enjoy together.
2. Maintenance. This is due to high levels of exhaustion, and it’s sort of the minimum requirement necessary. Many couples live here, and it’s one of the reasons why the spark isn’t sparking like it used to.
3. Feasting. This is when you prioritize date nights, weekends away, and even vacations together without the kiddos. Again, for a Biblical example of feasting, read through Song of Solomon together, by yourselves, listening to your favorite romantic tunes with the fire roaring and the kids at grandma’s house for the night.

I know the world messes with sex all sorts of ways. But God really did give it as an incredible gift…Cherish your spouse, and honor your marriage bed…


Anonymous said...

Mike...thank you so much for the past couple of weeks and the messages you've been sharing! My husband and I have been married for about 5 months now and are so greatful to know more of God's plan for sex in our marriage. We wish we would have heard this while we were dating but are so thankful that couples who are dating now will have this as a tool for them in the future. God Bless

kirsten michelle said...

I'm so glad this is being discussed more openly in churches. Sex saturates everything in and about our culture and it's so rare to hear about it from the pulpit. Thanks for talking about it from a God's-eye-view.